Tuesday, December 10, 2013 11:51 AM
After I went to get that coffee on Sunday I didn’t take the time to put sugar in it until I got to the highway. I had forgotten And then I was stupid and tried to put it in in the car but I spilled hot coffee on myself which made me scream and spill more coffee on myself and still more and more. It was so hot. It hurt. Although I was uncomfortable doing so I had to pull over on the highway. Well I was pulling over I was spelling. And then I just started hysterically crying again and going out how. And cars were just whizzing by me and I was afraid someone was going to hit me. It was a horrible horrible day. I think I sat there for about 15 or 20 minutes. Then started to head home again but had to stop for gas. When I finally got home I told my parents that I didn’t want to talk about it but that I had seen Tina and then I’d spilled coffee on myself. I told them a couple other details but not much. Dad was confused. He asked why I was so upset just to see Tina. My mom mumbled because she’s pregnant. God was still confused so I explain saying “he’s going to rape that baby”.
Typos galore right now because I’m using voice commands.
Mom suggested that ice my thighs during dinner. I did. And while I was in the car I had to have my pants around my knees because my thighs were hurting so bad and my skinny jeans are irritating. It was one of those days where you just wanted to disappear. I thought about dying but I didn’t really think about committing suicide. I just wanted to not be there.
Brian just called and interrupted. Luckily I didn’t lose the post. I’m done for now. Going to go get coffee to make sure I don’t get a migraine which I will now be more prone too since I’m all stuffed up. And then heading home for dinner with my parents.
Tina was at the show. I’m currently bawling in my car. Loud bawling. I don’t even know what I’m feeling.
I spotted her during intermission. She looks very pregnant. They’re due next week.
I texted Brian when I saw her. He offered to let me call him. I didn’t, but I’m thinking of it now that the show is over.
My brother and his family walked in the doors towards the end of the show to see the final number which my niece is in. I was going to go say hi and also retrieve my coat that I left over on that side of the theatre, but it might make me miss my chance of seeing Tina after the show. I’ve stopped crying. Thank goodness bc it’s hurting my head.
Brian just texted me. That means he’s awake and I would feel ok calling him. Lauren would want me to call him. I will in a minute.
I talked to Tina. She hugged me hello and such. And I pulled her aside. My speech was incomplete
I’m not in a very good mood. I kind of feel like crying. I’m out shopping with Brian. I had a rough start to the day because he woke me up at 9 and I didn’t want to get up. Then I was sleepy and crabby and just wanted to shower when we were in there and felt like he was I. The way when he was trying to wash me. It’s just bc of my mood. There’s nothing wron with showing me affection, but I felt like it wasn’t very productive at the time. And I don’t like that I am obligated to get every person in his family Christmas gifts. We’ve been talki about it a lot. I feel like crap bc I don’t normally buy gifts for people really. I never felt bad about it before, but people’s reactions have made me honk about it. I get gifts for my parents through my parents. I’ll go shopping with one for the other. Well, really I jut go shopping with dad for Mom. And I’ll get stuff fr Mom too. Mom covers the stuff for Dad. He never want anything anyway. He doesn’t like to accumulate stuff. I will sometimes get Jamie something, but we’re both poor, so we don’t get much. I will often ask Mom what he put on his list for her and he will do the same.
Wednesday 12/4/13 12:46pm
I think Brian saw my last post last night =( At least the title. And he would know what it meant right away. I walked into him using my computer in my room, and I think tumblr was up. I went over to him and closed the tab. He said he didn’t read anything. Ugh. Crap. He’s doing a lot better now though.
Brian keeps asking me if I’m birning out and I say no. I feel like I have to. Even though he asked me on multiple occasions today about it, I still feel like I can’t tell him BECAUSE he’s so worried and keeps asking about it. He started having anxiety in the car just TALKING about possibly spending thenight away from me.
He asked what I need. I told him that I would like to shower in my own shower. I would also like to sleep in my own bed. I didn’t tell him that, but I invited him over for tonight. He’s coming. That feels better to me. I need to spend time in my own room even if he’s there. And poor Leila hasn’t had much attention since Tuesday when we went home for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was fine. Went to Auntie Connie’s. Didn’t really get to talk to her though because she was busy cooking and such. Auntie Lori wasn’t there. I found out on the way to the house that she wasn’t going to be there because Uncle Henry has prostate cancer. What?! Neither Mom or I knew about it. Uncle Paul didn’t know about it either until I brought it up during the meal. I guess it was a few months.
Someone else has cancer, I think, Who was it? Lauren time. Bye.
December 2 9:45 PM
Driving to my boyfriends right now using voice commands.
I did TS on my way to see him last night.
I haven’t slept in my own bed since last Monday night. That’s partially because I went home home for Thanksgiving. Brian had a panic attack on Friday and I’ve been spending every night there since. I’m tired. I need some me time. I can’t very well say that to him. Is fragile. i need to suck it up for now. I brought my computer with me tonight hoping to have some me time. I’d like to write in my tumbler without drink voice commands on the road but we’ll see. I’d also like to get my Facebook games in because well you know, I’m Addicted lol
That’s enough for now. I don’t want to crash and die. I’m seeing Lauren tomorrow thank goodness
Rape joke attacks
DTP posts and new followers
Told Skyla, Mihelle, Brian, and Marcie.
Went to going away party on Friday.
Didn’t make it to Kalin’s bday outing.
Cried in church. PMS
Saw stude t’s performance. Almost cried more than once.
Double at RR on mo day.
Typos galore. Later.
a good friend sent me this screenshot from his facebook feed today and wow
can we just talk about male assault for a second
and how shit like this is why men are less likely to report being raped because society tells them that they “got lucky” or whatever the fuck bullshit that is
and how there’s people like this who think that’s just the funniest shit they’ve ever heard
not to mention that “joke,” meaning that if you don’t enjoy being raped by the opposite gender then well you MUST be gay
hilarious. sexual assault is so fucking hilarious. wow, you’re all comedy geniuses; your parents must be so damn proud.
because absolutely none of this is funny.
I’m literally ill
Ridiculous. Sexual assault is sexual assault.
Monday 11/25/13 10:44pm
The Duct Tape Project has gained so many followers in the past week!! Yay!
Jesse’s having a baby
Thursday 11/14/13 9:34pm
I’m drunk and I’m cryng. Jesse is going to have a baby, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t save this baby. My brother pointed out that I can’t even hope for one gender or another because he’s “non-discriminate”, as my broher said. I got a no-contact order for Jeremiah, but I can’t very well get that for his own kid until it’s too late. I’m baeling. And I just told M and V abut it too in my crunen state.
He should stick to me. I wish I could prevent him from getting to this child.
It sounds awful, but I hope she has a iscarrage. For the sake of the child, I hope it’s never born. It doesn’t deserve that. I don’t think he would make an exception for his own child or anyhting stupid like that either. He’s 43, and I’m pretty sure she’s just a few years younger. I think she might be 40. The chance is higher that she’ll miscarriage because of her age. Hpwever, they may have chosen not to tell people until they’re past the 3 month mark for that very reason. You’re more likely to miscarry in the first 3 months. I’m going to message my aunt that postd the “I’m gratful for all my nieces and nephews” to ask hpw far along Jesse and his gf are. That’s how I found out about it today. Stupid thankful things. ]t80gr[ehiodflcv9t3huiergjbcm
I’m going to ask her now and proofread it extremely well. I’m pretty sure she knows about Jesse and I. I’m pretty sure everyoneof appropriate age knew bc we had to go to different parties and such as different times. I jad a no-cntact order with him until I was 12.
Life sucks. I wish I could just offer up myself instead of an innocent child. And thart is making me cry fresh tears. I’ve had so many daymares aboutsacrifircing myself because I’ve already been there. I wonder if I’ll actually cry when I see Lauren next. Probably not because I never do, but I kind f hope I do. njdfjj[ir[roewfkdxmc[8hripeugfjbdnl ,
Saturday night 11/9/13 10:15pm
Laying in bed with Brian at the hotel. This weekend has been great. Like a honeymoon if you know what I mean lol
But he exhausted himself this afternoon and now I’m laying here high and dry with Mr. Snores next to me. Le sigh.
We have to be out of the hotel by 10:30 in the morning. Please wake up now so we can use what I boughtttttt. I’m going to set an alarm early so maybe we can use it before we go. Pleeeeease lol
Oh we watched a scary movie tonight. I didn’t like it. He set it up to be a funny movie. It was Cabin in the Woods. He told me that it would look like a scary movie, but really wasn’t. It was. When the violence first started, I shrunk into the couch a d him and never came out. He covered my face for the first horrifying death. And then he ended up fast forwarding. He said that he thought it was funny and that it conveyed a message about horror movies… Yeah I didn’t get that lol we had to watch funny things afterwards.